I had a moment of self-awareness yesterday. I’ve come to the conclusion that I am not a good decision maker. It isn’t that I can’t or won’t make a decision, but rather that I make really poor decisions. Even in the minor things, I can’t really seem to ever get it right. My life verse ought to be Proverbs 14:12 which says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.”
OK, so maybe my decisions haven’t led to anyone’s death yet, at least not physically, but they have led to cooking in cashmere. Tonight I decided to make chicken pot pie from scratch. When I dressed this morning it was cool-ish and I chose a cashmere (Don’t be impressed. It came from the Goodwill and cost $4.00.) cardigan over a t-shirt. In the moment, that was a wise decision that meant I didn’t need a coat when I was running errands. But as the day progressed and got warmer, and as I heated my oven to 400 degrees, and as I boiled chicken, made gravy and rolled pie dough, that earlier decision seemed less wise, leading, in fact, to sweltering sweat. And even after my epiphany moment yesterday, I still found myself today contemplating the removal of pie dough from a fuzzy sweater.
Why didn’t I simply take the sweater off? Well, you see, that’s just the problem! These things just don’t occur to me until I’m up to my elbows in flour. Or, if they occur to me at all, I think there’s a work-around, and I delay what I know I ought to do until it’s too late to do it or I’m committed to another itinerary. Sometimes it occurs to me to seek wisdom from other sources, but I’m pretty sure I know what they’re going to suggest, and it’s not really what I want to do, so I simply stay-the-course. Now that’s some poor decision making! In those moments when I’m genuinely just too busy to listen, I wish the Holy Spirit would get louder. That’s what I do with my 14 year old when he’s not listening. It usually works, and I’m pretty sure it would work for me too.
Did you think God isn’t concerned about fuzzy cashmere sweaters, and wouldn’t have much to say about that anyway? Well we could talk about that at length, but I’ll let the Master tell you this much, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples”. I know you caught that part where He said, “…apart from me you can do nothing” and yes, I believe that includes making wise decisions about apparel. He also got the withering and burning right which I learned as a result of choosing to cook in cashmere.
I joke, but this is truly one of the things I know God wants me to begin to understand. Nothing means nothing. I can do nothing. No thing. I have no wisdom. I have no understanding. Apart from Him, I’m…me, cooking in cashmere, a sweltering fool who didn’t have sense enough to ask for wisdom.
“He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe.” Proverbs 28:26